Cadaver sick of being touched, just wants to be held

BALTIMORE, MD – A recently deceased cadaver shed light on the cold, lonely experience of being dead in the basement of a top medical school this Wednesday.

“I long for the day when I will no longer be poked, pulled and put on display for a bunch of ogling twenty-somethings who think they can just do whatever they want with me.” The cadaver, which used to just be a regular, alive body, told reporters.

“They use gloves when they touch me as if the tumor in my face didn’t die when I did.” The decaying woman added.

One student, who recently studied the pile of old yellow flesh, told reporters that while he does prefer putting his hands on live humans “there is something quite special about reaching into a lifeless forearm to pull on its tendons and see the corresponding fingers bend.”

While the dead hunk of meat that used to be somebody’s mother was resentful of its current state, she told reporters that there were some positives to being examined daily.

“My husband worked at a bank his whole life, so this is the first time I feel like I’ve been touched with a purpose, and I like that.”