Dammit! The wrong Amazon is burning

AMAZON RAINFOREST, SOUTH AMERICA – The living, breathing, international organism that has a reputation for exploiting its employees and destroying local businesses is in fact “not the Amazon that’s on fire,” a company spokeswoman confirmed today.

“Actually, we’re doing quite well thank you very much,” the Amazon employee told Millennial reporters.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think I can say the same thing for the Amazon rainforest,” she added.

“That one’s burning to the ground as we speak.”

“Crap! That’s so annoying!” an EPA spokesperson told reporters when asked to respond to Amazon.com Inc's statement.

“The Amazon rainforest is like so important for climate change and animals and stuff. Oh man! Why couldn’t it have been the multinational corporation that is responsible for much of modern society’s rampant consumerism that is currently being destroyed in a fiery blaze?”

“But actually, I did order something on Prime two days ago and it still hasn’t arrived, so I guess we don’t know for sure what is going on,” he added.

“But hey, that’s the uncertainty of environmental science for you.”