Female lead in Captain Marvel gives little girls, Hollywood actresses, unrealistic dreams

LOS ANGELES, CA – Cynical Hollywood actresses have joined skeptical little girls across the country in outwardly denouncing Marvel’s decision to cast female protagonist, Brie Larson, in this year’s blockbuster film Captain Marvel.

“It’s totally irresponsible to have a woman playing that role in such a big movie.” Hollywood star Natalie Portman told The Millennial.

Critics of the move say that by giving a woman this role, one that is normally reserved for men, females across the country have been given unrealistic aspirations for what they can achieve in their lives. Nobody bears the brunt of this false hope more than little girls.

However, one fortunate five-year-old that we spoke to said, “I’m lucky that my parents tell me I can’t do stuff. They tell me how stupid I am all the time. I know I’ll never be able to do what she [Brie Larson] does.”

“Superpowers do not exist, and we need to stop telling our young girls that they do.” Helen Mirren told Millennial reporters.

“Of course, casting Brie Larson as a female lead is invaluable, anybody with any sense wants to keep seeing women playing big roles in Hollywood. However, our young girls will never be able to tear down the patriarchy if they believe that super strength, flight and laser vision are the answer. That kind of thing is what we need to keep telling our boys, so they stay stuck in their fantasy land.” She explained.

“I’m happy my parents said superpowers aren’t real. Now I can actually change the world.” The five-year-old girl added.

“When I grow up, I’m going to be movie star. Or the president. Nah, actually, I will be both.”