Forks, Washington has an alarming lack of cutlery

FORKS, WA – One of Washington's least important cities has been left reeling after a shortage of four-pronged utensils was discovered.

According to the most recent US census data, the town of just 3,800 people has under 1,000 usable forks.

This insignificant little city is located on Washington's Olympic Peninsula, a region that attracts thousands of outdoor enthusiasts every year. It was also the setting for Stephanie Meyer's vampire-based trilogy Twilight, which makes it a little more noteworthy but a lot more annoying.

The main problem with a lack of forks is not dining though, it is disease. According to the Center for Disease Control, a lack of exposure to silverware can lead to forktism, or in serious cases cutlorrhea.

We spoke to a local retiree who told us that the news has left a bad taste in his mouth.

“We ought to re-name this town Chopsticks or Eat With Our Hands. What a disgrace!”

Community leaders and residents will gather in the town hall next Friday to discuss an action plan. With a full house expected, town renaming and the failure of fork and rescue efforts are expected to be hot topics.

Until the meeting, Forktonians are being advised to keep their cutlery in a safe place and all new visitors are encouraged to bring silverware with them.