Trump administration acts swiftly to ban stupid smoking machine killing Americans

WASHINGTON D.C. – On Tuesday, a Californian man became the seventh white male to be killed by e-cigarettes in the last month in what President Trump is calling, “The most dangerous threat to America’s freedom right now.”

“Yet another innocent American life was taken today, a death that was totally preventable had we only worked harder to ban these machines of pain. I assure you that my government is working swiftly and ruthlessly to rid the country of these dangerous weapons,” Trump said in an emergency press conference.

Concern is also growing in high schools across the country as children’s use of vape products is on the rise.

“To think that kids can legally buy and use these villainous devices at school, in church, at Wal-Mart, shows that we failed in our duty as a government to protect our citizens. These are troubled kids that need love, not a peach flavored head rush,” Trump added.

Perhaps the only positive to come from these senseless tragedies is that millions of Americans are opting to turn-in their e-cigarettes, even before vape-control policies have been enacted.

“It’s ordinary American’s that have to make the change first. We have to show the government what matters to us and to our children,” one father of four who was giving up his Juul at a local police station today told us.